SELF-CENTEREDNESS VS. SELFISHNESS

I would like to state that this piece is my own opinion and everyone is entitle to theirs . So let me start off by saying that self- centredness and selfishness can be similar but not the same.
According to Merriam- Webster dictionary self-centeredness means " too interested in yourself and not caring about the needs or feelings of other people " while selfishness means " concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself : seeking or concentrating on one's own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others"

The definition seem to be a little confusing but it is not . We are all self- centered. Hold on !!! Before you stop reading . Let me quickly say that I am very sane ( I know people will state otherwise) but it is the simple truth. There are 2 questions to this, the first one is HOW?  Self-centeredness means you are centering everything around yourself , since you are going to be there for yourself as long as you live, you do not centre your life on someone or something that may not be there for you or be there for long  . For instance , you are on a queue in the bank to get your money, the truth is ,nobody wants to spend a lot of time at the bank , let's assume you are the 3rd person on the queue, the cashier says the server is bad , the self-centeredness in it , is quickly joining the other available queue that has good server without thinking of other people on the first queue you are coming from. The other question is   " IS IT BAD TO BE SELF-CENTRED?" No,it is not a bad thing , after all you know yourself more than anybody else , it is your life , it is only very natural that it revolves more around you and your happiness matters most . In the above example , it is not a bad thing to move from the former queue, because you know how urgent you need the money , you know there are other things to do and not just spending hours at the bank .


However , being selfish means you are paying overly too much attention on your wants , needs and well-being. For example , everyone wants a better and brighter future but the selfishness in it is when you want to be manipulative, cheat and be deceitful about getting what you want because you probably think you are the only one that needs it. The bad thing about being selfish is that "Selfishness hurts other people"  it is immoral and not justified especially when it becomes too obvious and it is very irritating.
I understand that's how some people are and that circumstances ,events or the past has made them in that shape and form , but this attitude or attribute can be changed. It is very possible to be selfless and self-centered by making good decisions and impacts on yourself without hurting people . While you help people ,there are good outcome it brings to you too . I mean you can love others after loving yourself first. I am just trying to say that we can make ourselves happy without causing others pain . Let there be a balance.

Finally , Being self-centered can never be the same as being selfish . Take care of yourself first . Be your own centre of attraction. Lend a helping hand when you can. Remember that you are not the only one living on this planet "Earth" others play a role in it , for example , people sell the food you eat , people make the electricity you use , some people built the road you walk on . So therefore, as your life centers around you , life centers around other people too.  Take control of your life without having evil thought about people . Make the world a better place for people just as you want it best for yourself .

EXAM TENSION

There's a feeling we get after we've had thorough revision, tutorials and even group study or when we've completed the syllabus and done what's expected of us for a particular examination. The feeling that we are ready and sometimes feel we just want to be over and done with. On the exam day, it looks as if we are not sure anymore , we are suddenly tensed unnecessarily.  Some call this ,"Exam nerves" but I still refer to this feeling as EXAM TENSION. Here are the 10 simple ways to get rid of exam tension.

 1. Make sure you know when and where the exam is and get there on time . Finding venue can make you agitated and ofcourse getting there late can complicate issues.

2. Eat breakfast on the exam day ,avoid coffee or caffeine containing drink . Hunger at exam hall can destabilize you and dizziness is not good too.

3. Do not make last minute reading just before an exam. You might not remember, so no point .

4. Do not stand beside people doing summary or revision . It can make you think you are not ready enough or get you confused.

5. Remind yourself to read the instructions well before answering questions that follows. Instructions are for us to follow.

6. Relax your mind and stay calm, make sure you are with all the necessary stationery items you need. Forgetting anything can make you disorganize.

7. Tell yourself you know everything. You are not being proud , it's just a way of letting go of the stress of what you haven't done and feeling confident of what you've done.

8. Cheer up , be happy .Don't feel tighten up or choked up .Worrying has not helped anyone.

9. Remove negative thoughts in your head, concentrate on the result and expect the best . That's one of the qualities of a champion .

10. Take slow deep breathe before starting . It helps calm the nerves .

Having said all the above , Prayer is also key, so pray according to your belief. I hope the 10 tips are simple and realistic. If you think I am wrong , drop your comments.

DO NOT TAKE US FOR GRANTED

Dearies, I think I am at this again , but this time I am not venting ,there are just some random things I can't help but talk on .Like someone I know would say , "Talk when you can,and if you decide not to,either ways, death is inevitable". I have made up my mind to write about it ,just so am free from it. Enough of the preamble, let's get straight to it. 

I know we all have friends , please do not get it twisted here, there are different types of friends , best friends, close friends , good friends and don't forget we also have acquaintances( I don't even know where to classify those ones). Just to add that,it's not all the type of friends we associate ourselves with ,some from afar ( like the ones I am talking about today ) . I mean friends that we call at numerous times but won't even return our calls but remember us in times of distress. There are other friends or people that need our money or stuffs , but when they had enough,we probably aren't part of those they think of. Perhaps there are friends in our lives that want our free services but when it's time to party , we aren't part of the people they invite. There are also those that call our attention to their issues without prior notification but because of the type of person that we are, we go all out and render help to all these set of people (or fix their mess whichever the case). The most annoying part is ,when you help these people or friends, they won't even show their gratitude  by saying THANK YOU , not like the 'thank you' is that important but it encourages one to do more . 

Have you also noticed that such people or friends (whoever they are to you) tend to misuse the opportunity they get and they keep giving you more impromptu issues to solve, keep coming for more things or more of your free services? There are different ways through which they come to us and I might as well not be mentioning all ,I am so sure we all can relate . There have been different encounters like that before and I was always falling victims , until my eyes opened ( like my veil literally removed ) and I got to know that it's because they know we will always be there that's why they count on us when their normal plan fails.

To some people ,they feel it's because they know we are capable ,responsible and responsive,that's the reason they come to us more often. However, when it gets too much, like "please,come help me do this now,Please give me 'this' and 'that", it is called taking one for granted. If you think am wrong, Does it mean we don't have things we were doing before they showed up? or we bought those items just for them to have access to it ? Or our money is too much for us that we don't know how to save and invest ?.

The funny part is ,when we decline once in like 12 events, they think we are proud and start giving us attitude. Excuse us, We have our day planned out and We can't remember adding Your name to our to-do list. You can't always come for our help when we're not part of your "list of special friends" So please do us a favor .... Cut it. Cut us some slack . 

Do not get me wrong ,I am not saying we can't help when we have the chance to, we don't have everything complete too .There are just some things that these " our friends " can do them selves and they can't always rely on us for some of our materials , we need those things too . It doesn't matter if you are too generous with your time and resources , Don't encourage laziness and selfishness ,if it's something you are good at, teach them how to do it , such that they can do it on their own rather than call you every time or misuse the advantage and if its requires team work let them know your convienent time. Most of these things happen to those that don't plan their life or time well, nobody takes you off guard if you pre-plan your daily activities and movement . Plan your life . Do not allow anyone take you for granted .

3 HELPFUL TIPS TO IMPROVE INTELLIGENCE

First of all, "intelligence is generally described as the ability to perceive information and retain its knowledge to be applied towards adaptive behavior within an environment". Just to add to that,the part of the brain that controls 'intelligence' is the cerebral cortex . The cerebral cortex plays a key role in memory , attention , perceptual awareness , thought , language and consciousness . Years ago, human intelligence was said to be genetic ( they said ,it's what parent have, that's being pass down to the children ) but so many researchers have proven that wrong, including me ( I don't have my parent's intelligence, the one thing I am sure of, is that ,Parents wants their kids greater and smarter than they are , but it doesn't change the fact that they are wiser. Being smart and wise are two different things). My point is, if intelligence can be measured or assessed then it can be improved . Here are the 3 unique tips to improve your intelligence .

1. Train your left hand to function just like your right and vice versa 

If you haven't seen my write up on "the lefties " go check it out , I mentioned special qualities they possess. This is because each hemisphere of the brain perform number of roles but they communicate with one another via corpus callosum (Let's save all the DETAILS for the medics and the science related people). For those that don't understand, In the brain of a right-handed person , the left hemisphere of the brain is physically larger and more developed because the left hemisphere controls the opposite part of the body that is frequently used while in the left-hander's brain , the right hemisphere is more developed. Thus, if the left hand function just as the right, there is an increase in the percentage of the brain that works thereby increasing intelligence .

2. Listen to music more often while Reading

Normally , 'reading is an ideal form of brain exercise', it develops analytical skills, it is an effective memory booster, it's also helps to focus more. I know everybody reads but what some people find difficult is listening to music and reading. Music on the other hand raises performance level and productivity by reducing stress and tension . Adding both makes the brain work more and increases the capability of the brain.

3. Stop doing things the easy way, play tasking games and actively double task

 These days, technology has made life easy, the likes of autocorrect on our phones, googling everything "googleable". Some refer to that as being smart or calls it short cut. If you want to increase your intelligence quotient , reason things out on your own, think your way through ,other than using short-cut' medium. Playing games like chess,monopoly, makes one smarter , they keep the mind in tune and also develop logical thinking and cognitive skills. Train yourself to multitask and add to the list of what you can do with time. Let me give an example, I can walk and move my head ( #smiles... Like who can't !!!?) on a more serious note, I mean two things that actively involves the brain, like talking on a phone and reading or replying a mail  . Tasking the brain more, improves the ability of the brain and thereby also increasing intelligence.

The above tips has worked for some and still helping others ( it's been helpful to me ,although number 1 is proving alittle difficult ). Don't be static ,repetitive and satisfied with where you are. Be versatile, be exceptional and be influenced by the good things of life. Stand out amongst your peers by your intelligence quotient , build yourself . It's not everything good that comes easy,some requires hard work.

OUR BIGGEST FEAR

I am pissed and the best way I can clear my mind is just venting here.  No, nobody got me angry. Am just pissed with myself and the way these things happen around . Something happened recently and I felt my life stopped ( I know you are trying to imagine what could have made me feel that way, well, it's one of those life issues) Why will I take issues to my head in the first place? why will I allow challenges affect my thinking ? It took me days before I realized that things ( I mean life hustle, challenges ) happen like that to people and it just changes them forever. It is just too bitter to experience .

 

My biggest fear use to be failure ( failure in the general sense of it ) although I felt it was normal and then I got to know that people have alot of "fearless things" as their fears, I thought mine was better ,at least nobody wants to be a failure at one point or the other. Examples of those "fearless fears" could actually be ; fear of poverty, fear of failing professional exams that can only be written once ,fear of rejection, fear of water, of air and probably fear of height. Yes,  I call it fearless because to be honest , they are realistic fears but they are less of a fear , even if it eventually happens, should it now take the better part of one's life, or take ones whole life or change orientation about life or cause depression?  And if the fear of death is on anybody's list as their biggest fear which isn't suppose to be at all, then that's the end of it( this is going to be a new write up on its own )...

 I think our biggest fear should be "the fear of loosing Hope" ( maybe I am wrong but I refuse to be corrected because it is just a basic fact) What is life when you loose hope on yourself?  If your biggest fear is failure and you fail, what's next after that?  It shouldn't be depression , it should rather be Hope of a brighter tomorrow, Hope that your next exam would be excellent, hope that another opportunity will come and there's a solution to every problem, hope that with time it will get better. Do not forgot that failure is part of a success story , if you don't believe ask those that made it , they will tell you they failed at one point of it. (Even me,I forgot, i had to remind myself) If one has fear of water and by mistake find himself or herself in the pool, does that mean the person won't struggle to find a way out? I might not have mentioned your own biggest fear, but please what other fear justifies loosing hope ? No matter how we look at it,  life is good and beautiful if we add Hope to our living. A person that loses hope is like a walking corpse , no essence of living ,the person is almost useless to himself or herself , Depression happens and sucidal attempt creeps in ,then death and that's the end of it ( that's not scary , it's what depression can do). Never give up . Have hope . Expect only the best from life and take action to get it ( I Ddnt plan it to be this long ,but you know it's when events, memories , issues happen that one gets inspiration ... And yes I am fine now .Thanks).

24 THINGS LIFE CAN TEACH ANYONE

 Life is a great teacher,the more we live the more we learn (This life) , I have decided to put out 24 things, out of the many things life can teach us,either through experiences or just mere living in it....

1. The way we all think is different from one another, you don't have to be offended at the different actions you get from people . If you get upset most times, it's waste of emotions.

2. We get disappointed in people because we overvalue them more than their true worth. Give chances for it ,it won't get to you when it eventually happens.

3. Not every human you love,can love you back that same way.Love yourself more.( it's not being selfish)

4. No matter the road you are on, the road end when you stop moving. Keep moving,either fast or slow, you will eventually get there.

5. Don't say what you do not mean. If you do,you will end up being sorry for what's been said.

6. You can't finish sleeping( you will still sleep tomorrow and next),It's better you sleep less to get so many things done,than to sleep more and keep sleeping.

7. You can be whatever you want to be , if you see what you want to be . Theres power in what we see. Guard your eyes.

8. We change as the world changes ,either socially or fashion wise,that's just the trend. For those that don't, they get lost, stagnated or thrown out of the trend . 

9. Life won't be hard if you take it one day at a time . Worry less. Who has "worry" helped?

10. You don't regret your past. Forgive yourself, forget what might have happened, move forward and focus on the future. You don't have to wallow in it .

11. Academics or education is just a means ,there are other means to an end.

12. Passion makes your career worthwhile .A passionless career is boring and won't bring fulfillment. 

13. You can never please everyone , just please yourself . Your happiness doesn't depend on people.

14. If you do good , you would reap good . We somehow deserve what we get.

15. It's far better to move towards greatness than to be jealous of those great. It's just a waste of time .

16. The difference between life and death is in seconds , live every moment like it's going to be your last.

17. We meet different people at different phase of life but not everyone of them is needful for our life.

18. The kind of life we live matters, tomorrow will speak of how your today is. 

19. Failure isn't the end of the road ,it just shows how many times you walked wrongly on the road to success . (This took me years and courage to learn though).

20. The best you've achieved,can be someone else's starting point, don't settle for less ,keep moving.

21. If your money doesn't give you peace ,it's a waste.(No point of having money without peace of mind)

22.The number of friends we keep,determines how far, how tall and how wide we go in life.

23. The idea you have will stay in you if you dont start it up. In other words, no Matter how big the idea is , start small and aim high . 

24. How you plan your life doesn't matter ,it's how God plans it that matter , Have faith in God and he will make his plan yours .

I am posting this because today (6th of April) is my birthday and I am ** years old ,hence the total number of the list. Do the maths ( winks) and wish me happy birthday.

Typical 'BORROW BORROW'

I heard January started slow and brought 'shades' along with it, I am hoping February will take a 'chill pill'. This piece is not to 'cast' or 'throw shades' at anybody and am not pointing fingers ,it's just part of the things have noticed and it's annoying when I see it happening. The following traits shows who a typical 'borrow borrow' is;

1. When you borrow something and fail to return it at the expected time intentionally

2. When you just love borrowing than buying stuffs 

3. When you borrow and your subconscious mind starts praying for the owner to forget it

4. When you tell people that the borrowed item is yours

5. When you don't say ' thank you' after borrowing or when returning the borrowed item

If you have all the traits and characteristics, it's bad and wrong . We are not giving up on you because we know change is constant . It's 2016, we can't continue like this ,let's all try and watch it  .

“A borrower who doesn't returns is a beggar.”
― Amit Kalantri